song: moon river(anybody but sinatra).
stream of consciousness thing.
Without my glasses, I can't see a damn thing. I'm typing without them now, trying not to look at the screen. I can't even read it. The light eminating from the monitor hurts. The wall is soothing. Maybe with my eyes closed. Better now.
Twilight time is the time to be. Hold me and don't let go. Hold me like long ago.
Sometimes I hate my friends. How could they let me become what I am now? I want to leave them in the dust. Why not? I flake out on everybody else. If you're my friend, it's only a matter of time. It's what I do. Loyalty? How about loyalty to myself? Selfish? Yeah, I'm selfish. I'm the most selfish person I know. People tell me that I have to follow my dreams and give no mind to what my parents/relatives/friends/strangers think. I act like I'm being all selfless, giving up what I want just so others can feel comfortable with themselves. But I'm just scared. I'm scared of taking that leap to places unknown. Bound.
I need somebody here to tell me that everything is going to be alright. I don't want it, but I probably need it. I want need somebody to kick my ass and tell me I'm full of shit. I want that in a woman. Don't kiss my ass. Please tell me to get over myself.
You don't want to be my friend. I'll peobably end up hating you. You don't want to be my lover. I'll probably end up hating you. Like I hate most things in this world. Like I hate myself in thebefore I go to bed and hope never to wake up. Like I hate God when I do wake up.
I'm not a good person.
People must suffer. And great people suffer more than most. Like Van Gogh suffered for his sanity. Get over yourself.
Demons all around me. Don't let them get you.
Numb.
numb.
Alot of you people who read this know me in real life. Don't worry about me. Don't you dare.
sometimes people read too much into things.