Can't you just let me be a wallflower in peace?
I don't go to parties unless I have to, and tonight I was obligated by blood to attend one. Well, there was that one time, but for the most part, I avoid these mindless gatherings. I don't like meeting new people, not when it's through forced means. I don't mingle. Please don't introduce me to strangers.
"Jason, this is You don't care."
"Hi, how da doin?"
"Sup."
When I depart and say, "Nice to have met you," I probably don't mean it. More than likely it was not nice to have met you. You were being fake. I was being fake in return. Pleasant is not the word to describe our meeting. This one guy tried to be smart or friendly or something but I wasn't having it.
I reach for a beer. The label said something about being low carbohydrate. I put it back in the bucket.
"Is there anything here that isn't lite?"
I find a Corona Lite. Instinctively, I try to twist off the cap.
"Can I see your ID?"
"I don't think so."
"You can't twist that off buddy."
"I figured that."
I find a bottle opener and pop the top.
"If it's an import you usually can't twist it off. Now if it's a Michelob or--"
"Hey buddy, I don't need a history lesson in the bottling methods of breweries."
"I'm just saying you don't want to be looking foolish doing--"
"Yeah whatever."
"How old are you?"
"21."
"Really, I wouldn't have guessed that. You look more like sixteen."
"Yeah I get that alot. I guess I wasn't done when they took me out of the womb. Maybe they should have put me back in and let me incubate for a little while longer; turn up he temperature from 225 to 250 or something."
Oh people, you don't know how much I love hearing crap like that. Yeah asshole keep telling me about I look like a fucking kid.
Then he tries to be cool and says something about how the Goldschlager will make me feel all tingly inside. I'm starting to get tired of his stupid voice so I go off on how I'm on a natural high and that I don't need that crap. But I do need that crap right now. I just want to drink my beer in peace, so please shut the fuck up, Phong, or whatever the hell your name is.
"We done here?"
I leave before he can reply.