There are times when I am so immersed in personal anguish to the point where my faith falters and, in an instant, I become a theist so that I may appeal to God for relief. When the moment passes, I curse myself for being so selfish as to invent a higher being and ask it to red tag me (or even black tag me) for cuts that I can close myself but don't want to because it feels Too. Damn. Hard.